Spirit Guides and Ancestors

The day after Pacquito passed, I propped up the Death card from my oracle deck on my coffee table, which was in front of the couch where I spent all day, everyday, for five days, alternating between crying and watching tv and reading and journaling.

The card was a reminder that, "I am of the nature to die. There is no way to escape death." I suppose it was my way of shielding myself from the denial stage of grief, encouraging myself to not turn away from this loss that had just occurred. It was also maybe a way of trying to rewire my brain into treating death as other cultures do - as something normal, something to celebrate even, and certainly not something to be sad over. The card was a way of reminding myself that death is the most natural thing in life. The closest thing to birth. Two sides of the same coin.

In the weeks since he's passed, I would say that the cards that most exemplify his spirit are Love, Transformation, and of course, Spirit Guides and Ancestors.

Pacquito has become a reminder that we truly do live inside of love. We need only open our divine eye fully to see it, to remember it. He has transformed - from the finite to the infinite, and in so doing, he has led me from the darkness of my grief to the light of knowing how much more connected we have become, and he has transformed the ignorance of my limited human knowing into the truth of our true oneness.

But on this day, what would have been his 18th earthly birthday, though he is now in his immortal form, I would say that he is my clearest Spirit Guide - the quiet presence that is guiding me ever nearer to my clearest and deepest purpose.

If I had finished this deck of cards after he left his body, the accompanying booklet would surely read differently. But I guess that's what my substack is for :) It otherwise would have become a book all on its own.

It's interesting, the idea that perhaps we may never reach the true depths of our understanding. We don't know what we don't know, until we know it. But I like to think these cards have a way of reflecting our journey there.

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